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A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play. ...
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Two Americans are talking. One asks: "What's the difference between capitalism and communism?" "That's easy" says the other one. ...
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. ...
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The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. ...
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Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week ...
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A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" ...
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A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper. The doctor asks, “What’s the problem?”The man says, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.” ...
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A small boy is sent to bed by his mother... [Five minutes later] "Mom..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?" ...
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. ...
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Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. ...
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