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John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out. ...
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Q: What are the best books to read during the holidays? A: The Lord of the Five Golden Rings No Country for Old Menorahs For Whom the Jingle Bells Toll ...
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Two Americans are talking. One asks: "What's the difference between capitalism and communism?" "That's easy" says the other one. ...
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. ...
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An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. ...
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Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" ...
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Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” ...
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Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp. The genie grants each of them one wish. The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted. ...
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An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit. A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train. ...
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Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf. ...
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