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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. ...
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A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. ...
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. ...
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A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregationand asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher'sfamily expanded, so would his paycheck. ...
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After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded. ...
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A man boarded a train and said to the conductor, “I’m a heavy sleeper. Please be sure to wake me at 2:00 a.m. so that I can get off in Atlanta. Whatever I say, get me up. I have an extremely important business there! ...
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A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind." ...
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Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?" ...
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Jose and Carlos are panhandlers that panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2-3 every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills every day, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. ...
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Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie. Mickey (stunned): Why not? ...
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