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A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." ...
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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: 'Rest in Peace.' The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. ...
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. ...
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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." ...
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It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" ...
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A homeless man, down on his luck, went into a Catholic church that was known for its rather “uppity” social reputation. Spotting the man’s dirty clothes, the ushers stopped him outside the church door and asked if he needed help. ...
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A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?' The farmer shook his head and replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.' ...
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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. ...
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One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. ...
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NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. ...
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